They say no matter what you did she still would have done what she did
They say no matter what you said she still would have chosen to leave this world
They say she is in a better place, as the Bible says she went to hell. But clearly that can’t be true? Right? She was one of the sweetest most caring people in the world.
They say God won’t give anyone too much to handle, but she clearly wasn’t meant to die so young. I doubt she was meant to go out like that.
They say don’t dwell on the past and then they tell you to grieve, but how can you grieve if you don’t look at the past.
They say to not look back and only forward, but what happened in the past is what makes me who I am. You have to look back every once in a while to remember your strength.
They call it suicide, but the truth is she didn’t kill herself it was her mental illness
Mental illness is not something people choose to have. Be there for everyone because you never know what goes on in their brain
Mental illness is not a choice when someone jokes about killing themselves, they may not always be joking.
They say everything will be okay and more than ever I want to believe them. Because I need everything to be okay.
The first time I wanted to die I was only 8, 8 years later I can confidently say I have conquered that desire. I was able to smile again. I wish more than ever she would have been able to smile and be here with me today.
I know over the years her brain kept getting more and more filled with the fumes of mental illness.
These fumes continued to consume her thoughts and no one was able to save her.
She is in a better place now. I know she is happier now. I just wish she knew that it would have gotten better.
With proper ventilation, the smoke could have slowly cleared. She would have been able to inhale fresh air and exhale the fumes.
Slowly as the fresh air resuscitates her thoughts there would come a day where her thoughts would not constantly be filled with the toxic vapors of her mental health.
There would come a day where death only crossed her mind once a day. Then once a week. Then once a month.
If you or anyone you know is struggling remember to keep your head up darling. Because there will be a day that you haven’t thought about death for a day. For a week. For a month. For a year.
You’re doing amazing. Just getting out of bed once is one step closer to a day of happiness. A week of happiness. A month of happiness.
By Taylor Kranz